true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
