I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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