We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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