Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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