i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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