I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
