I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
