Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
