how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
