ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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