Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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