Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
