If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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