i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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