To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
