now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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