dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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