You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
