I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
