Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
