why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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