I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
