dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
