Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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