You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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