At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
