Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
