maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
