I'm eating all of the evidence.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
