I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
