i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
