i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
