I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
