we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
