Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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