her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
