Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
