Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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