we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
