The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
