Sponge bath it is.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
