it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
