U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
