the condom got lost in my hair
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
