Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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