I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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