I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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