Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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