Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
