You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
