I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
