dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
