thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
