My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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